Hetalia Owner's Guide and Instruction Manual
by ImTtlyTheHero
Summary: Good evening! Hetalia Incorperated is proud to present the first of a new line of HETALIA units: the 50 States! There are many accessable and user-friendly sections to the manual, including FAQs and Troubleshooting, which are located near the end.
1. Jonathan E Brown aka Texas

Jonathan E. Brown aka Texas: The Owner's Guide and Instruction Manual

Good evening! Hetalia Incorperated is proud to present the first of a new line of HETALIA units: the 50 States! This manual was created to ensure top preformance from the States Unit line. There are many accessable and user-friendly sections to the manual, including FAQs and Troubleshooting, which are located near the end. It is reccomended you read everything word-for-word, as the TEXAS unit is known to be a bit wild.

**Technical Specifications:**

Name: Jonathan E. Brown

Also answers to: John, Texas, Tex, Johnny (reluctantly), Lone Star

Birthdate: disputed

Lifespan from activation: Indefinite

Height: 6'2"

Weight: don't matter

Length: Undisclosed

Date of Manufacture: Today

Place of Manufacture: 'at One Place Down Yonder, Hetalia Incorperated

Note: The TEXAS unit is an _extremely _heavy smoker and drinker. If you find that he is spending too much of your money on cigarettes and whiskey, we recommend that you get him either an intervention or a job and therefore his own bank account. Don't separate him from his cigarettes and whiskey unless absolutely needed, for Hetalia Incorperated is not responsible for any injuries attained in that event.

**Your TEXAS unit comes equipped with the following items:**

Brown authentic ten-gallon hat

Tan military-issue officer's uniform

Pair of black military-issue boots

Pair of black military-issue officer's shoes

Spanish/Mexican military-issue uniform

Civil War uniform

Civil War-issue rifle

Semi-formal dress uniform

Cowboy suit

x50 packs of assorted cigarettes

x50 bottles of whiskey

When first opening the box, you may find that your TEXAS unit is very independent and mistrustful. Spend some time with him and he'll warm up to you.

**Programming:**

The TEXAS unit comes with several modes and functions. Below are the few occupations he seems more lenient to:

Spanish province: TEXAS's first occupation.

Mexican province: TEXAS's second occupation, although short-lived.

Rebel: TEXAS units are very independent and stubborn, especially when occupied by Americans. It's best not to get in TEXAS's way during this stage, as likelyhood of war and independence declarations is increased by almost 100%.

Nation: Despite being a short-lived occupation, TEXAS units are extremely intent on becoming part of AMERICA during this stage. They _are_ independent, though.

Soldier: TEXAS units are extremely strong and tend to try and fight other people's battles due to being American, though they do not tend to fight _well_. They also fight a lot with other 50 States units.

Cowboy: A long-lasting occupation. TEXAS units are almost always decked out as cowboys, or at least talk like them (see Texan slanguage). WARNING- TEXAS units are very compeditive while in this stage.

Your TEXAS unit comes with the following modes:

Argumentative (default)

Sexist (default)

Racist (default)

Withdrawl

Compeditive

Drunk

Depressed (locked)

Shy (locked)

Lovestruck (locked)

Your TEXAS unit comes with three default modes: Argumentative, Sexist, and Racist. TEXAS units are extremely stand-offish and will always be downing on others and griping about almost everything possible. Your TEXAS unit will get in fights with all other units, so be careful of where you let him go.

Withdrawl is achieved should your TEXAS unit be deprived of his cigarettes or whiskey for longer than 6 hours. He will be extremely twitchy and alert while in this mode and, if you don't get him his cigarettes/whiskey by the next day, you may find that he tries to kill you and/or steal your wallet to get more. Interaction with other units aside from NEW MEXICO or AMERICA units while in this mode is extremely discouraged.

Compeditive is activated when your TEXAS either sees a KENTUCKY unit or is in his Cowboy mode, which the latter will have this active constantly. He will become very, well, compeditive and should he happen to lose at whatever it is, will enter Depressed mode.

Drunk is achieved whenever your TEXAS unit drinks too much in one go. He will become very much a pervert and will be very clumsy. Keep him away from stairways or sharp objects while in this mode, and preferrably away from NEW MEXICO, IOWA, and ALASKA units unless you have purchased a R.A.E.P. insurance package.

Depressed is unlocked when he is either rejected by a NEW MEXICO unit or when he fails at something while in Compeditive mode. He will lock himself in either his or your room, emit a depressing aura, and will mutter to himself while ignoring everyone. To get him out of this mode, simply get a NEW MEXICO unit to comfort him and he'll spring right out of it.

Shy mode is unlocked while around a NEW MEXICO unit after being exposed as liking them. He will either blush very brightly and stutter or else get extremely mad and start denying everything. Either way, this is only activated by being around a NEW MEXICO unit.

Lovestruck is one of the hardest modes to access, as it has several conditions to satisfy. It normally is unlocked after the TEXAS unit kisses a NEW MEXICO unit successfully and is accepted. The TEXAS unit will act extremely dreamy and happy, and once he is in this mode it is hard to get him out. After unlocking, this mode becomes almost as regular as Argumentative.

Units that are capable of having intimate relationships with TEXAS units are: NEW MEXICO, ARIZONA, and KENTUCKY (very rare)

**Relations with other units:**

50 States units: TEXAS units argue with all 50 States units and rarely get along...

ALASKA, KANSAS: TEXAS units strongly dislike these two units and will often ridicule or threaten them. Keep TEXAS units away from ALASKA units that are in Psychotic mode or KANSAS units that are in Mass Murderer mode unless you have life insurance. Contact between them should be minimal anyway.

NEW MEXICO: TEXAS units are very loving toward NEW MEXICO units and, after being with one for a certain amount of time, will attempt to make out with her. If the NEW MEXICO rejects the TEXAS, he will go into Depressed mode. Maximize contact to keep your TEXAS unit happy.

AMERICA: TEXAS units get along pretty well with AMERICA units, despite the constant arguing between them. They each respect the other enough to leave what is said between them at that.

MEXICO and SPAIN: TEXAS units hate MEXICO and SPAIN units with a passion and will do whatever it takes to either hurt or anger them. Contact should be minimal.

SOUTH/CONFEDERATE STATES OF AMERICA: TEXAS and SOUTH share a very tense relationship. TEXAS, although having forgiven SOUTH for leading him into the Civil War, tends to make fun of SOUTH and will purposely smoke in front of him even though SOUTH units are allergic to tobacco smoke. Also, TEXAS units tend to come running to SOUTH units whenever they are freaked out about something.

Note: TEXAS units do not tend to have many friends due to their stand-offish nature. Try to make him some friends... or get a duplicate TEXAS unit for him to interact with.

**Cleaning:**

TEXAS units rarely bathe and are so very dusty most of the time, as they insist that being dirty is "manly". To get him to take a shower or bath, simply bribe him with cigarettes or whiskey. If that doesn't work, you could always knock him out... not that he'd be too happy after that.

**Feeding and Rest:**

TEXAS units are very capable of feeding themselves, but will refuse to fall asleep. If you leave them locked in one room long enough or make him watch a movie, you'll find that he will fall asleep very quickly and will stay asleep for close to 12 full hours. Waking him up before then is nearly impossible.

**Disposal:**

You can always send him off to work for a MEXICO unit... chances of seeing him after that's pretty slim.

**Frequently Asked Questions aka FAQs:**

Q: My TEXAS is parading about with a rifle, yelling something about "Fucking Mexicans" and independence... is this normal?

A: It's fine, your TEXAS has just entered his Rebel stage. Give him a couple days alone and he'll be fine.

Q: Right after my TEXAS unit matured, he went out and came back with a bunch of tattoos... including one on his ass. Help...?

A: I don't know... on his ass? Do you have any pictures?

Q: My TEXAS won't leave the closet and there's a very mad-looking MEXICO unit standing on the lawn. Why is this?

A: Most likely, your TEXAS crossed the border into MEXICO's territory and made a rude comment or was just seen by her... you may need to either offer your TEXAS up as a sacrifice or maybe call a SPAIN...

**Troubleshooting:**

Problem: You come home to find your wallet and TEXAS unit gone. There is no way to contact them, either.

Solution: Most likely, your TEXAS ran out of cigarettes or whiskey and went off to buy more. Give him a couple hours, he'll show up.

Problem: You bought a NEW MEXICO unit to activate your TEXAS's locked features, but they just got in a fight and won't talk to each other.

Solution: Just give them a couple days, maybe have your TEXAS unit insult NEW MEXICO's gender until she kisses him to prove that she's a girl.

**Final Note:**

With proper guidance and care, your TEXAS unit will become a very good... whatever he will become. His warrenty is good 'till death (yours or his) and may be voided if captured by a MEXICO unit.

Thank you for buying this product and enjoy your new TEXAS unit!


	2. Ethan Harris aka Alaska

Ethan Harris aka Alaska: The Owner's Guide and Instruction Manual

Good evening! Hetalia Incorperated is proud to present the first of a new line of HETALIA units: the 50 States! This manual was created to ensure top preformance from the States Unit line. There are many accessable and user-friendly sections to the manual, including FAQs and Troubleshooting, which are located near the end. It is recommended for buyers to read the guide carefully, as ALASKA units tend to be unpredictable when they are angry...

**Technical Specifications:  
**Name: Ethan Harris

Also answers to: Ethan, Alaska, Этан, Аляска

Birthdate: unknown

Lifespan from activation: Indefinite

Height: 6'5"

Weight: undisclosed

Length: undisclosed

Date of Manufacture: today

Place of Manufacture: W.H.O., Hetalia Incorperated

Note: ALASKA units all have speech impediments for some reason. At the end of their sentences, they tend to add an emphatic "eta~" and a smile. The only time this emphatic sound is not included is when the ALASKA unit is scared or in Psychotic mode.

**Your ALASKA unit comes equipped with the following items:**  
Long beige winter coat

Attachable fuzzy white hood

Long brown scarf

Pair of black military-issue boots

White long-sleeved polo

Tan military-issue officer's uniform

Pair of black military-issue officer's shoes

Russian/Soviet Union military uniform

Dress uniform

Black iron crowbar

When first opening the box, you may find a very LATVIA-like boy that will not speak and will do whatever you tell him to do. This will wear off if you show him you are not like Russia, but you're screwed if you own a RUSSIA unit. Then you're better off sending the ALASKA back.

**Programming:  
**Your ALASKA unit comes with several modes and functions. Below are the occupations he is more lenient toward:

Russian/Soviet province: ALASKA's first occupation. This scars the boy for life...

American state: ALASKA's second occupation.

Soldier: ALASKA units are inhumanly strong, rivalling AMERICA units in fact. They love to help and will do so for any reason unless the helping is against a RUSSIA unit. Then, they will tend to either start trembling and faint or... just faint.

Your ALASKA unit comes equipped with the following modes:

Shy (default)

Polite (default)

Panicked

Depressed

Lovestruck

Psychotic (locked)

Your ALASKA unit comes with the Shy and Polite modes constantly active and so is very, well, shy and polite. He will compliment you on whatever you are doing/wearing/saying and so on, but will attempt not to talk and will often seem to disappear. This could be because he was manufactured in... in... that place north of America.

Panicked mode is activated after contact with a RUSSIA unit or MEXICO unit. The ALASKA unit in question will tremble much like LATVIA units do and will stutter, losing the emphatic "eta~" that makes the ALASKA unit an ALASKA unit. To get the ALASKA unit out of Panicked mode, either get him away from the unit he is afraid of or bring a KENTUCKY unit to him to comfort him.

Depressed mode is activated after prolonged contact with a RUSSIA or MEXICO unit or after getting in a fight with a KENTUCKY or HAWAII unit. The ALASKA unit will lock himself in a room and refuse to come out even if you break down the door and try to drag him out. To get him out... well, you're alone on that one.

Lovestruck mode is achieved whenever your ALASKA unit is near a KENTUCKY unit. He will be very kind and loving toward anyone, but is still susceptible to his fear of RUSSIA units. The ALASKA unit tends to slip into this mode a lot if in constant contact with a KENTUCKY unit, but this is nullified if your ALASKA unit spends a lot of time with RUSSIA units. In that case, getting the ALASKA units into this mode is close to impossible.

Psychotic mode is a special locked mode that you really don't want to unlock. This mode is unlocked after any KENTUCKY or HAWAII unit is injured or threatened by a RUSSIA or MEXICO unit. Your ALASKA unit's demeanor will shift to be more RUSSIA-ish and much more dangerous. You will notice that the crowbar included in the box comes into use during this mode. It is recommended you isolate the ALASKA unit until this mode deactivates, unless you and the owners of the other units have insurance... or if you're in the mood to die. To snap your ALASKa unit out of this mode, simply get a KENTUCKY unit around him and have her push him around a bit, he'll come right out and drop right into Depressed mode. Interaction with RUSSIA units should be prohibited at this time.

Units that are capable of having intimate relations with ALASKA units are: KENTUCKY and HAWAII units

**Relations with other units:**  
KENTUCKY: ALASKA units are very comfortable around KENTUCKY units. They will interact freely and will almost always be in a very happy mood and/or in Lovestruck mode. KENTUCKY units are the only known unit able to snap ALASKA units out of Psychotic mode, so it is recommended that one be on hand at all times for the ALASKA unit in question. KENTUCKY units are very protective of ALASKA units as well, so don't worry about your ALASKA unit when he leaves the house. KENTUCKY units aren't scared of RUSSIA units. Contact should be maximized.

MISSOURI, LOUISIANA, MICHIGAN, IOWA: ALASKA units interact well with these units and are often around them, as they all consider each other friends. Contact should be maximized.

TEXAS, ARIZONA, most SOUTHERN 50 States units: ALASKA units are generally disliked and/or shunned by SOUTHERN 50 States units, despite many attempts by ALASKA units to overcome their differences. Contact for all SOUTHERN 50 States units excluding LOUISIANA and CALIFORNIA units should be kept at a minimum, or else your ALASKA unit could possibly cause some damage...

HAWAII: ALASKA units are very brotherly toward HAWAII units, as they often feel that they are the older brother who must protect his little sister. The two have a strong relationship from the beginning and will rarely fight, so contact between them should be maximized.

SOUTH/CONFEDERATE STATES OF AMERICA: SOUTH units do not like ALASKA units at first, but will quickly warm up to them and become rather protective over them. If an ALASKA unit comes crying to a SOUTH unit, the SOUTH unit will try to comfort the ALASKA... and may succeed.

RUSSIA: ALASKA units are deathly afraid of RUSSIA units and will avoid them at all cost... but since RUSSIA units seem to be obsessed with reclaiming their ALASKA, avoiding them is near impossible. RUSSIA units are the only units aside from MEXICO units that can activate ALASKA's Psychotic mode, so contact should be completely zero. When around a RUSSIA unit, your ALASKA will go into Panicked and/or Depressed mode and will subsequently lose his "eta".

MEXICO: ALASKA units don't like being around MEXICO units thanks to their obsession with becoming one with any nearby AMERICA units. Contact should be minimal.

AMERICA: ALASKA units are extremely thankful and loving toward AMERICA units, as it is because of them that they are no longer property of the nearest RUSSIA unit. AMERICA units also cherish ALASKA units, not just because they were originally RUSSIA's and are now his but also because of how kind and sweet the ALASKA units treat them. Contact should be maximized as well.

Note: Most 50 States units do not like ALASKA units because of their previous involvement with RUSSIa units... just expose the other units daily to your ALASKA unit and they'll warm up after a while.

**Cleaning:**  
ALASKA units are readily capable of bathing themselves, so don't worry about that. In fact, if you insist upon it, your ALASKA unit may get into the habit of bathing daily instead of every two days. Don't worry, your ALASKA unit will always smell fresh.

**Feeding and Rest:  
**ALASKA units are generally extremely good cooks and are therefore readily able to cook for themselves and you. In fact, your ALASKA unit can cook almost anything for you as long as you provide instructions of some sort. Your ALASKA unit is also capable of bedding himself, just find him a place to sleep and he'll go to sleep at a regular time. He's very independent, as he was originally owned by RUSSIA...

**Disposal:**  
If you want to get rid of your ALASKA unit for whatever reason, just send him to live with the nearest RUSSIA unit... you won't see him ever again. Really.

**Frequently Asked Questions aka FAQs:  
**Q: My ALASKA unit is scaring me... he's got this murderous look on his face and he's carrying his crowbar...! Help me!

A: ...this isn't a question. If your ALASKA is exhibiting these symptoms, he is most likely in Psychotic mode. Call your KENTUCKY unit. Immediately. Or you will die. Painfully.

Q: What do I do if my ALASKA's scarf gets ripped? He doesn't look happy...

A: Now how did you do that? The scarf is microweave! -sigh- Just call the number on the side of your unit's box and request a new one... or contact a nearby UKRAINE unit and ask her to make a new one.

Q: Why won't my ALASKA leave his room?

A: Don't you people read the manual? Kami-sama! Anyway, he's probably in Depressed mode. Just... get a KENTUCKY unit near him or something.

**Troubleshooting:**

Problem: Your ALASKA unit got in a fight with your KENTUCKY unit and now won't talk to her.

Solution: Most likely your KENTUCKY unit hurt your ALASKA by bringing up something he didn't want to talk about. Just get your KENTUCKy to apologize and they should make up.

Problem: Your ALASKA keeps trembling and has not used his "eta" for the past couple weeks. He's acting paranoid and scared and freaks out whenever you mention any nation's name aside from America's.

Solution: Your ALASKA is being stalked by a RUSSIA unit. GET. A. KENTUCKY UNIT. IMMEDIATELY. If you don't, your ALASKA unit may disappear soon.

Problem: Your ALASKA unit went missing.

Solution: ...he's gone. Got kidnapped by his stalking RUSSIA unit. He's gone, you're not getting him back. Sorry.

**Final Note:**

With proper care and guidance, your ALASKA unit will mature into a very strong, loving state that you can trust with anything. His warrenty is good 'till death (yours or his) and may be voided if captured by a RUSSIA unit.

Thank you for buying this product and enjoy your new ALASKA unit!


End file.
